I tried. I really did. I wanted to do the advent countdown this year. but several things got in the way. as i wrote about being too busy to wait, i was busy being busy and not waiting. I wanted to write and encourage you to wait and look for the Christ King to come again.
besides being too busy, I have also been too busy feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I don’t really care if Christmas comes or not. it’s not that anything is wrong, really. and I know that my faith is not based on my feelings and it’s not that my faith is weak or missing, or lacking or anything like that. its just that i am feeling too much obligation and not enough Jesus.
i look forward to this countdown tradition i started two years ago, but this year, it just wasn’t coming easy and i begin to feel it was something I had to do or something that I should do. and i felt guilty for not doing it. but i have to release myself from that imaginary burden i placed on my own shoulders.
and its okay that I don’t feel Christmas, and its okay to admit I feel sad right now and that for me, Christmas isn’t always happy and smiles and magic…cause right now it isn’t. and i need to be able to just be okay with that.
I still will write some more but there will be no countdown, no make up posts.
and more than anything, right now, i long for the Advent of the Christ King and as the Apostle Paul said, “I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.” Philippians 1:23. But, also like Paul, I know that He still has things for me to do in this world…and I pray I will be faithful to that which He has called me.